Ladies weekend...
It is so nice to be around women who are smart, intelligent, and Black! I love it! I had such a great time. And I look good. HEY!
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Friday, September 18, 2009
ARE YOU KIDDING ME????
I had one of the worst days yesterday. And I can't say who I should blame.
Maybe my husband. He shouldn't have talk to someone who is fucking retarded. He should have kept his mouth closed and let me speak to the person who really mattered.
Maybe it's my mother's husband. He is really retarded. He doesn't listen and is a child. He is a street nigga with no class or respect for the relationship that I have worked hard at building with the person who matters to me... My mother!
But, when I sit quite in my studio. With nothing but the voices in my soul... I hear the truth. It's my fault. I should have made my mother really talk to me about her money issues. I should have explained to her, that our life's can not grow, if I am not sure that she can do it alone. My mother receives no help from the people who live with her. I guess they believe that everything will work it's self out. But it doesn't. I lost a HOME last year. A house. It was foreclosed on. My family has moved 3 times in the last 2years. My daughter has no idea what a stable home looks like. And I want to be able to give that to her. But I can't. Because we are carrying extra cost. Imagine... paying all your bills $2200 a mth, plus being told you need another $800. Because it's your mother, your house. What do you do? Well I paid it. I wasn't telling my husband that I was taking the money out of the savings account, and when he found out that there was $2400 missing... let's just say, the shit hit the fan. So I can't blame my mother for marrying a man, who doesn't help provide. I can't blame my mother because she won't make my little sister take responsibility and make her pay at least one bill. I can't blame my husband for pitching a bitch fit when he saw that money was missing. I blame myself. I should have sit everyone down in the beginning and said what was really going on.
Now I will.
To anyone who reads the madness that I post. The truth will set you free. I would do whatever it took to keep my mom in HER home. She loves that house. We never wanted it in the first place. We want our lives back. I want to be happy when I come home. I want my daughter no to tell me she hates her house, and why does Hanne's home look better? Even when it's to hard to say something, say it anyway. Even when you think it may cause a little upset, say it anyway. But say it to the person that it matters the most... and FUCK everybody else. Because besides what my family thinks of me... I know I've done everything I could to keep the peace. To keep everybody happy. I know I'm a good person. So to those who don't see it that way. FUCK OFF! And get a real life!
Maybe my husband. He shouldn't have talk to someone who is fucking retarded. He should have kept his mouth closed and let me speak to the person who really mattered.
Maybe it's my mother's husband. He is really retarded. He doesn't listen and is a child. He is a street nigga with no class or respect for the relationship that I have worked hard at building with the person who matters to me... My mother!
But, when I sit quite in my studio. With nothing but the voices in my soul... I hear the truth. It's my fault. I should have made my mother really talk to me about her money issues. I should have explained to her, that our life's can not grow, if I am not sure that she can do it alone. My mother receives no help from the people who live with her. I guess they believe that everything will work it's self out. But it doesn't. I lost a HOME last year. A house. It was foreclosed on. My family has moved 3 times in the last 2years. My daughter has no idea what a stable home looks like. And I want to be able to give that to her. But I can't. Because we are carrying extra cost. Imagine... paying all your bills $2200 a mth, plus being told you need another $800. Because it's your mother, your house. What do you do? Well I paid it. I wasn't telling my husband that I was taking the money out of the savings account, and when he found out that there was $2400 missing... let's just say, the shit hit the fan. So I can't blame my mother for marrying a man, who doesn't help provide. I can't blame my mother because she won't make my little sister take responsibility and make her pay at least one bill. I can't blame my husband for pitching a bitch fit when he saw that money was missing. I blame myself. I should have sit everyone down in the beginning and said what was really going on.
Now I will.
To anyone who reads the madness that I post. The truth will set you free. I would do whatever it took to keep my mom in HER home. She loves that house. We never wanted it in the first place. We want our lives back. I want to be happy when I come home. I want my daughter no to tell me she hates her house, and why does Hanne's home look better? Even when it's to hard to say something, say it anyway. Even when you think it may cause a little upset, say it anyway. But say it to the person that it matters the most... and FUCK everybody else. Because besides what my family thinks of me... I know I've done everything I could to keep the peace. To keep everybody happy. I know I'm a good person. So to those who don't see it that way. FUCK OFF! And get a real life!
Thursday, September 3, 2009
How do you tell someone you love... to leave?
To start with a new plan, because the current one is chocking me.
That their life is affecting mines negatively.
How do you tell someone you love... that this was a mistake?
That the door you (I) left opened, now needs to be closed.
That to carry them through this dark path, will leave me blind in the future.
How do you tell someone you love... you've got to go?
Even though they've carried you at times.
When is enough, enough?
When do you stop paying someone back, for giving you a life?
How do you tell someone you love... that our relationship is destroying my other relationship?
How do I prepare myself for something that may change my entire life?
Why is loving someone so complicated?
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