Body Maddness

Lately I have noticed that I feel different. With my studio gone, I don't have many places to practice my yoga. Sure in my yard, or in my bedroom, but they all feel like home. When I practice I want to feel like I'm in peace; a space that keeps me clean, and untouched. But with my practice becoming limited I feel fat. I feel soft. So I did the worst thing I could do to myself, I weighed myself. Yes! Self inflected torture. And yes, you know it... I gained 3lbs. Now sure I know your thinking 3lbs, this chick is crazy, but 3lbs reminds me that I can become what I fear. Since I have started my yoga practice not only has my spirits changed, my body as changed too. I use to be the thick friend... a sneakers away from fat. But I have worked hard at being smaller, and more peaceful. But I know that 1lb can take me to a place where not only I have gained weight, but now hating myself. Not eating, or just plain being evil to me. Yes, being evil to my own self. Those 3lbs brought back everything I thought I'd gotten rid of. I thought I was free from being critical of me, I thought I was okay with myself, now I know... Still a work in progress should be hanging from my neck.

The Greatest Person in the world turned 4 today! She makes my life complete. She is the Sunshine that touches my life.

Mommie Luv's u!

Move

The need to move is crushing my brain. I feel trapped and even though I keep screaming to be rescued no one comes to my aid. I have told my husband on more than a few occasions that I have just grown tired of this city. I have seen it all, I have lived everywhere; downtown, southside, the county, the country, the burg and still I am not being released. I feel like the only way I may get any freedom is to leave... leave my husband. Because he ain't leaving here. I am in love with him, but not in love with my life here.
So I posed the question, is there a place where settling is not settling, but changing your wants?

I want to go.
He won't move fast enough for me.
What do I do?
Give up on happiness, and just stay with a fake smile,
or leave the man of my dreams?