I just LOVED my hair on this picture. I just got finish teaching classes, and it looked better than it did before i came in.Friday, March 2, 2012
HAIR LUST
I just LOVED my hair on this picture. I just got finish teaching classes, and it looked better than it did before i came in.
Long time... No hear
Wow, it has been a while since my last blog post. Longer than I care to admit. But recently my life has thrown up everywhere causing me to slide around with no direction. I thought I was strong enough to just deal, but that is just not the case.
I have been an adoptable person since I can remember. and in saying that I mean, I pretty much can deal with everything. I may get sad, cry, angry, but I can move on. Lately it hasn't been as easy. Not only is my life a mess, so is my marriage, my job, my spirituality, my sense of self, my weight, my practice, my hopes, my dreams, me. I cannot get a handle on anything. Nothing seems to make any sense to me at all.
I have thought about just packing up a bag or two, and filling up the gas tank, and never looking back. Not sure where I'd go, but it couldn't be any worse than what I'd be leaving.
How do you continue to love someone who lets you down?
How do you keep smiling when your soul is crying?
How long do I have to pretend to be someone I am not?
Why do I have to accept his lies?
Why do I have deal with his addiction?
Who said I have to share my feelings with anyone?
Why does your family need to know my business?
How many _________ will I have to kill?
I don't want to be your com' bank anymore.
How do you become a great mother when you are not great?
Why do I have to eat?
How said 2 bottles of wine was a lot for a night?
Why?
Where?
How?
WHAT THE FUCK????
I have been an adoptable person since I can remember. and in saying that I mean, I pretty much can deal with everything. I may get sad, cry, angry, but I can move on. Lately it hasn't been as easy. Not only is my life a mess, so is my marriage, my job, my spirituality, my sense of self, my weight, my practice, my hopes, my dreams, me. I cannot get a handle on anything. Nothing seems to make any sense to me at all.
I have thought about just packing up a bag or two, and filling up the gas tank, and never looking back. Not sure where I'd go, but it couldn't be any worse than what I'd be leaving.
How do you continue to love someone who lets you down?
How do you keep smiling when your soul is crying?
How long do I have to pretend to be someone I am not?
Why do I have to accept his lies?
Why do I have deal with his addiction?
Who said I have to share my feelings with anyone?
Why does your family need to know my business?
How many _________ will I have to kill?
I don't want to be your com' bank anymore.
How do you become a great mother when you are not great?
Why do I have to eat?
How said 2 bottles of wine was a lot for a night?
Why?
Where?
How?
WHAT THE FUCK????
Monday, June 28, 2010
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
How did I get here???
I ask myself that question a few times a day?
"HOW DID I GET HERE?"
Sometime it refers to my husband, sometimes my daughter, sometimes a job, sometimes a class and sometimes just because. Lately my life has been a puzzle, that I am completely clueless in solving. To start, I am completely not excited about my life. My husband and I are on two totally different paths. I actually see the difference in us, & the difference in what we want. I do not want the life he will give me. I don't want predictable, stable, stale, boring, and safe. I can actually time my entire day with this man. He never goes against the grain, he plays by the rules... plain a simple! My daughter is driving me BANANAS!!!!!! She fights me all the time, she doesn't listen, she acts out, and I think she was actually created to destroy me. And to put a cherry on top of this she is only 4YRS OLD! My husband never has my back, he;ll let her get away with murder. Example: right at this very minute, he is cleaning her pissy bed. She decided to just lay in bed a be lazy (mind you I just read a bed time story) and not 5 minutes out of her room she pisses in the bed. Instead of getting up out of bed a going to the bathroom, she does what she wants to do... So I told her "You sleep in it!" But no Daddy to the rescue. He's in there cleaning her up while she listens to the Chipmunks cd and sings. The life! Neither one of them is convincing me to stay in this role. Motherhood & Wifey sucks! Look I'm just being honest. There is no shame in saying I feed the fuck up. I have told my husband I just need sometime alone. Maybe I should take a alone vacation, just to get my mind right. But I'm still sitting here.
"HOW DID I GET HERE?"
With a career that I love that won't pay my bills. Yoga is my passion, and I love to teach, but maybe it's not a job.
"HOW DID I GET HERE?"
11lbs heavier than before. I have been trying to get back to post baby weight since 2006. I started at 137lbs and now... well I'm not there!
"HOW DID I GET HERE?"
To not being that sexy bitch I use to be. I use to get hit on everyday! Everyday! Now, let's just say, not so much. I use to be happy to be me. Almost stinking about it... Full of myself! And that is a great thing. Knowing that I am everything, and no one can top me. It's a gift to feel full of happiness in yourself. Now, I really hate looking in mirrors. I'm so judgemental on myself. Everything could be changed, be better.
"HOW DID I GET HERE?"
VA???? I am soooooooooooooooooooooo ready to go. I mean ready! I have thought more than I care to admit, packing up my bags, and taking a taxi to the airport. Leaving a lovely letter for my husband, saying "I love you, but I need to leave." I really dislike Richmond VA. I have done it! Now I am done. But again, my husband is holding me here. Because he never goes against the grain... he is safe.
"HOW DID I GET HERE?"
To writing my madness on a blog for no one to read. To being so sad that I don't like to see myself. To only smiling in a yoga class. You know that's the only time I actually feel normal. Not in the arms of my partner, or with my daughter throwing herself on the floor, or even in my car. Yoga class... that's it.
"HOW DID I GET HERE?"
Crawling on the floor looking for my last nose ring that has just fell out again, from blowing my nose with this stupid summer cold.
"HOW DID I GET HERE?"
Always have a negative balance in my bank account. What???? I have 4 jobs. I'm not kidding! And I still always broke. WTF???
"HOW DID I GET HERE?"
Not having my own space anywhere! My husband has his own room (man/art room) my daughter has her own room, & my husband has his own car. Me... no! I can't even go to the bathroom without company. My husband uses my car, and never returns the seat back, & changes my cd's. The living room is where he plays stupid video games (what grown ass man plays video games? women don't play with barbies!) The den upstairs is where she watches cartoons, and leaves her food leftovers, and then they both have a room each downstairs that's theirs.
"HOW DID I GET HERE?"
"HOW DID I GET HERE?"
I have no clue, but I promise I will not be here for long.
"HOW DID I GET HERE?"
Sometime it refers to my husband, sometimes my daughter, sometimes a job, sometimes a class and sometimes just because. Lately my life has been a puzzle, that I am completely clueless in solving. To start, I am completely not excited about my life. My husband and I are on two totally different paths. I actually see the difference in us, & the difference in what we want. I do not want the life he will give me. I don't want predictable, stable, stale, boring, and safe. I can actually time my entire day with this man. He never goes against the grain, he plays by the rules... plain a simple! My daughter is driving me BANANAS!!!!!! She fights me all the time, she doesn't listen, she acts out, and I think she was actually created to destroy me. And to put a cherry on top of this she is only 4YRS OLD! My husband never has my back, he;ll let her get away with murder. Example: right at this very minute, he is cleaning her pissy bed. She decided to just lay in bed a be lazy (mind you I just read a bed time story) and not 5 minutes out of her room she pisses in the bed. Instead of getting up out of bed a going to the bathroom, she does what she wants to do... So I told her "You sleep in it!" But no Daddy to the rescue. He's in there cleaning her up while she listens to the Chipmunks cd and sings. The life! Neither one of them is convincing me to stay in this role. Motherhood & Wifey sucks! Look I'm just being honest. There is no shame in saying I feed the fuck up. I have told my husband I just need sometime alone. Maybe I should take a alone vacation, just to get my mind right. But I'm still sitting here.
"HOW DID I GET HERE?"
With a career that I love that won't pay my bills. Yoga is my passion, and I love to teach, but maybe it's not a job.
"HOW DID I GET HERE?"
11lbs heavier than before. I have been trying to get back to post baby weight since 2006. I started at 137lbs and now... well I'm not there!
"HOW DID I GET HERE?"
To not being that sexy bitch I use to be. I use to get hit on everyday! Everyday! Now, let's just say, not so much. I use to be happy to be me. Almost stinking about it... Full of myself! And that is a great thing. Knowing that I am everything, and no one can top me. It's a gift to feel full of happiness in yourself. Now, I really hate looking in mirrors. I'm so judgemental on myself. Everything could be changed, be better.
"HOW DID I GET HERE?"
VA???? I am soooooooooooooooooooooo ready to go. I mean ready! I have thought more than I care to admit, packing up my bags, and taking a taxi to the airport. Leaving a lovely letter for my husband, saying "I love you, but I need to leave." I really dislike Richmond VA. I have done it! Now I am done. But again, my husband is holding me here. Because he never goes against the grain... he is safe.
"HOW DID I GET HERE?"
To writing my madness on a blog for no one to read. To being so sad that I don't like to see myself. To only smiling in a yoga class. You know that's the only time I actually feel normal. Not in the arms of my partner, or with my daughter throwing herself on the floor, or even in my car. Yoga class... that's it.
"HOW DID I GET HERE?"
Crawling on the floor looking for my last nose ring that has just fell out again, from blowing my nose with this stupid summer cold.
"HOW DID I GET HERE?"
Always have a negative balance in my bank account. What???? I have 4 jobs. I'm not kidding! And I still always broke. WTF???
"HOW DID I GET HERE?"
Not having my own space anywhere! My husband has his own room (man/art room) my daughter has her own room, & my husband has his own car. Me... no! I can't even go to the bathroom without company. My husband uses my car, and never returns the seat back, & changes my cd's. The living room is where he plays stupid video games (what grown ass man plays video games? women don't play with barbies!) The den upstairs is where she watches cartoons, and leaves her food leftovers, and then they both have a room each downstairs that's theirs.
"HOW DID I GET HERE?"
"HOW DID I GET HERE?"
I have no clue, but I promise I will not be here for long.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
SEX & THE CITY MADNESS!!!
We all know that I LOVE Sex & the City! Those ladies have gotten me thru some times. And helped me to say super Hot in a regular life. So for the next 5 days... everything will be S&TC related. =)
Get it SJP! She looks amazing!
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Monday, May 10, 2010
Single life
Let's be honest, it's nice to be single.
I hear the cries for a partner, and the need to have someone there when it's to dark, but it's nice being single.
Wondering what brought this one? Jetblue. Yes, Jetblue the airlines.
There having this great sale, allowing you to fly for $10 each way. So course me being me, I jumped up and started looking for tickets anywhere. I found some! Me, my daughter & husband could have flown to Boston. MA for $64.59. And what was my husbands response... silence. His stupid look of it's not happening. Why? What's wrong with jumping when life allows you too? What's wrong with going somewhere with no destination, just because you can? When I was single, I had a great life. I traveled just because I was bored. I ate out almost every night of the week. Everything was fun. Dancing, parties, happy hour, friends, mini mini vacations, and a clean house. I miss the freedom of single life. Now everything is planned, scheduled, & approved. I have to fight with my husband just to go to the ballet. It just fucking sucks that freedom really goes away with marriage. And don't get me wrong I LOVE my family, but I also loved my single life. She aided me date nights, cute clothes, free movies, and a quite night when I wanted it.
Single life is like a one night stand. We all have done it, and maybe even lied about it. But the thrill is forever lustful, and welcomed. We all want that feeling to never leave, but we know it's a short thing and well you just can't live with a one night stand... she likes freedom. And I have settled down.
I sit here in a dark room, upset that my tomorrow is already planned & I know that plane will leave without me. FUCK!!!!!
I hear the cries for a partner, and the need to have someone there when it's to dark, but it's nice being single.
Wondering what brought this one? Jetblue. Yes, Jetblue the airlines.
There having this great sale, allowing you to fly for $10 each way. So course me being me, I jumped up and started looking for tickets anywhere. I found some! Me, my daughter & husband could have flown to Boston. MA for $64.59. And what was my husbands response... silence. His stupid look of it's not happening. Why? What's wrong with jumping when life allows you too? What's wrong with going somewhere with no destination, just because you can? When I was single, I had a great life. I traveled just because I was bored. I ate out almost every night of the week. Everything was fun. Dancing, parties, happy hour, friends, mini mini vacations, and a clean house. I miss the freedom of single life. Now everything is planned, scheduled, & approved. I have to fight with my husband just to go to the ballet. It just fucking sucks that freedom really goes away with marriage. And don't get me wrong I LOVE my family, but I also loved my single life. She aided me date nights, cute clothes, free movies, and a quite night when I wanted it.
Single life is like a one night stand. We all have done it, and maybe even lied about it. But the thrill is forever lustful, and welcomed. We all want that feeling to never leave, but we know it's a short thing and well you just can't live with a one night stand... she likes freedom. And I have settled down.
I sit here in a dark room, upset that my tomorrow is already planned & I know that plane will leave without me. FUCK!!!!!
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