Long time... No hear

Wow, it has been a while since my last blog post. Longer than I care to admit. But recently my life has thrown up everywhere causing me to slide around with no direction. I thought I was strong enough to just deal, but that is just not the case.

I have been an adoptable person since I can remember. and in saying that I mean, I pretty much can deal with everything. I may get sad, cry, angry, but I can move on. Lately it hasn't been as easy. Not only is my life a mess, so is my marriage, my job, my spirituality, my sense of self, my weight, my practice, my hopes, my dreams, me. I cannot get a handle on anything. Nothing seems to make any sense to me at all.

I have thought about just packing up a bag or two, and filling up the gas tank, and never looking back. Not sure where I'd go, but it couldn't be any worse than what I'd be leaving.

How do you continue to love someone who lets you down?
How do you keep smiling when your soul is crying?
How long do I have to pretend to be someone I am not?
Why do I have to accept his lies?
Why do I have deal with his addiction?
Who said I have to share my feelings with anyone?
Why does your family need to know my business?
How many _________ will I have to kill?
I don't want to be your com' bank anymore.
How do you become a great mother when you are not great?
Why do I have to eat?
How said 2 bottles of wine was a lot for a night?
Why?
Where?
How?
WHAT THE FUCK????