Measure my success

How do we measure our success? And what does it matter if I am not successful? Who determines what my success is?

I have been plagued by this notion of "SUCCESS" all day. I do freelance work for a custom home builder, and today I was sitting next to someone that I consider successful. He is a well to do BLACK man, running his own company, with his own ideas, and it's not only working... it's up and running. I started to think about how I could be like him. How could I be successful? What had I done wrong before, that I ended up just average. Huh, Average... that word has always scared me. It makes my heart race every time I say it. But I have to face the facts, that may just be me.

I have own, ran, and managed more companies than I care to admit. In 2005, I started a business doing what I thought would be lucrative, and fun. I started out with $1500, and ended up with $30,000 by 2yrs end. I don't have a dime of it now. I left that business to try another one, and another one, and so on and so on. Now I'm here, kicking on the door to 30, & still haven't found my groove of success. Where do you stand in line and get this success stamp? I want one! I want to start something that grows beyond me, that supports my daughter, that is still feeding people when my body has left this space. I do not want to be rich, I just want enough. Enough that I can take a vacation when it is due, pay my many bills on time, own my home out right, and send my daughter to the best schools. I want what so many people seem to have... SUCCESS.

Am I asking for to much?

Where does the race stop? When will I realize that I am who I am. A yoga teaching - practicing, dancer who loves to write poetry with a glass of wine, listening to my daughters far out tales about spongebob at her school, laying next to my husband while he junks up the bedroom with his art supplies. I am who I am. I guess I just measured my own success.